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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23215627">le cirque des rêves</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/basha/pseuds/basha'>basha</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt, The Night Circus - Erin Morgenstern</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - The Night Circus Fusion, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, both very brief but worth tagging, some cameos from The Secret History, starring boris and pippa as poppet and widget</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:29:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,183</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23215627</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/basha/pseuds/basha</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Theo Decker spends most of his life obsessed with the magical Night Circus and the strange boy who lives in it. (AKA a self indulgent Boreo Night Circus AU, though you don't need to have read the Night Circus to understand.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Boris Pavlikovsky &amp; Pippa, Theodore Decker &amp; Pippa, Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>le cirque des rêves</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't know why this popped into my head, but here it is! I leaned heavily on the descriptions and ideas from The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, which is an incredible book that I highly recommend. </p><p>Popper is named Poppet as an homage to my girl Penelope Murray. </p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The circus arrives without warning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The circus is black and white. It is only open at night. Once you enter, you may never want to leave. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Truth or dare, Theo,” Tom calls from the upper branches of the oak tree. Theo doesn’t answer him fast enough, so Tom throws an acorn at his head. “Truth. Or. Dare.” Theo rubs at his head. The other boys, scattered on various branches on the tree, chatter expectantly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dare,” Theo says. Only wimps pick truth, and Tom doesn’t hang out with wimps. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Theo’s dare,” Tom announces, binding him to it, “is to break into the Night Circus.” The other boys in the tree curse and whistle appreciatively. “And,” Tom continues, with the gravitas of a king, “he has to bring something back as proof.” That makes a few of the other boys laugh; it’s an impossible dare and they all know it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Theo looks across the field to where the circus tents stand, in a ring of black and white. The circus appeared just a few nights ago, without warning, appearing suddenly without any sign of construction or assembly. Theo thought it was rather like the circus had been there the whole time, invisibly, just biding its time. When his mother saw the tents, she woke him up, even though by nature of the Night Circus it wouldn’t be open for hours. His mother loves the circus, for a while in her youth she followed it around from city to city. After experiencing it the past few nights, Theo decides that he loves the circus too. During the night, it’s like a living, breathing animal; when he’s inside the black metal gates, it’s like he’s in another world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>During the day it’s nothing, really, just some tents in a field. Theo takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” he says to Tom. “Easy.” He jumps down from the tree and starts walking towards the circus without looking back. Behind him, the boys yell encouragement and obscenities. He walks until he can’t hear them anymore, and then a little further, until he finds himself at the foot of the gates. They are at least three times taller than him. In the middle of the front gate, there is an ornate lock. From the lock hangs a sign. It reads: </span>
  <em>
    <span>doors open at nightfall &amp; close at dawn. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Just below that on the sign is a warning: </span>
  <em>
    <span>trespassers will be exsanguinated.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Theo doesn’t know what exsanguinated means, but he can’t imagine it’s anything good. He glances back. There won’t be any punishment if he turns around now; he can say he gave it a good go, and the boys will probably give him some shit, but not for long. Still, he finds himself sizing up the gaps between the bars. He’s still quite small for his age, and while the gates seem like they’d be perfect for keeping out unwanted adult visitors, they weren’t designed to keep him out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He slips in through the gap between two bars. Not because he was dared to. Because he really, really wants to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even in the daytime the circus feels totally separate from the real world. Theo looks around, feeling a bit like he imagined Alice must have when she stumbled into Wonderland. Almost in a daze, he walks through the tents, searching for something to take back as proof for Tom. He feels like he’s trapped in an old movie with all of the black and white surrounding him. It’s kind of beautiful. He’s so wrapped up in his surroundings that he nearly walks right into the boy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha!” the boy says. “Harry Potter!” The boy looks like a giant crow: long, unkempt black hair, head to toe black oversized clothing, black combat boots. He’s holding a black umbrella, which is open despite the weather. Theo can’t believe that this strange boy is giving him shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off,” Theo says. Then he remembers that he’s the one breaking and entering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not supposed to be here,” the boy points out, like he was reading Theo’s mind. He sounds amused, not upset. He speaks with a strong slavic accent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Theo says, which he thinks is maybe the stupidest thing he could have said. The boy grins. “Sorry,” he adds, which might be even stupider.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should probably leave before anyone else sees you,” the boy says. “Where did you come in from?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just back…” Theo glances around himself and realizes that he’s completely and utterly lost. “Uh…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is okay,” the boy says. “Come with me.” Theo follows behind him as he moves confidently through the maze of tents. When he stops, they’re back near the main gate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Theo says. He squeezes out through the bars. On the other side of the gate, he turns to face the boy, unwilling to leave just yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should be more careful in the future,” the boy says calmly. “You shouldn’t sneak in during the day, it’s trespassing. And if you’re going to trespass, you oughtn’t to get caught.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I’m really sorry,” Theo says. “Hey, what does exsanguinated mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It means draining you of all your blood,” the boy replies. “I don’t think they really do that, though. Bummer.” He turns to walk away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait!” Theo says. He’s not really sure why, but he doesn’t want the boy to leave yet. The boy turns, head cocked. “I…I’m supposed to bring something back. It was a dare.” The boy smiles. He closes his umbrella and offers it to Theo through the gate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Theo asks, afraid to take it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” the boy says. “I have plenty. And besides, soon we go somewhere not so sunny.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Theo says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem, Theo,” the boy says, pronouncing it like “Tea-oh.” Without a word, he turns and disappears behind a white and black striped tent. Theo stands there for a long time before heading back across the field to the big oak tree. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s halfway home when he realizes that he never told the boy his name. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>A few years pass before Theo sees the Night Circus again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In that time, Theo’s mom dies. He moves in with the Barbors for a few months. His father finds him and brings him out to the desert where he is living with his girlfriend, Xandra. He spends most of his time in the desert lying on his back near the pool, wanting to die. The only thing that keeps him alive is the dog. Theo doesn’t know why, but he calls it Poppet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Through each move, Theo makes sure to bring the black umbrella with him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One morning, Theo wakes up to sounds of confusion and Poppet on his chest. He looks out the window. The night before, the desert was vast and empty. When the sun came up, the circus was there, like it had been there all along, practically in his own backyard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Theo leaves the house early and waits in the steadily growing crowd of people at the front gates until sunset. As he waits, he wonders apprehensively if the circus will be different than he remembers. He wonders if the strange boy is still with the circus; he wonders if they’d even recognize each other if they met again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Time passes. The sun sinks low in the sky; the moon appears. The whole crowd takes a collective breath as the sun sets and the lights in the Night Circus flicker on. The gate opens. The crowd claps, then surges forward. The circus is open. When Theo walks in, it’s like no time has passed at all. In between these black and white striped tents, he’s a child again. His mother could be around any corner. He shakes his head to clear it of the thought and purchases a hot chocolate. It tastes just as good as he remembers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His mom used to tell him that sometimes, when you were in the Night Circus, you felt less like you were exploring the circus and more like the circus was guiding you to where it wanted you to go. He’s not sure how much he believes in all of that, but after seeing the fortune teller's tent for the third time, he resolves to go inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walks through a beaded curtain and into a room that’s almost entirely black, except for silver decorative accents and dozens of lit candles. In the middle of the tent, a young woman with long black nails sits behind a crystal ball. She doesn’t look much older than Theo himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do come in,” she says. “Have a seat.” He does, feeling awkward and out of place. The woman smiles at him easily and pulls out a deck of cards. “What is it you would like to know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I used to feel very secure about my future,” Theo admits without thinking. “But some things have changed and I…I just need a hint. About what I should do next.” The fortune teller hums.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s see what the cards have to say about the matter.” A deck of cards suddenly appears in the fortune teller’s hands, and she shuffles them expertly. She splits the deck into three. “Pick one of these stacks.” Theo thinks for a moment, then taps the left stack, which is the messiest. The fortune teller shuffles the deck again, then begins laying them out in a complicated pattern. The cards are beautiful, but utterly meaningless to Theo. The fortune teller, on the other hand, studies them intensely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re soon to make your way back onto a path you thought you had stepped off of long ago,” she says finally. “I don’t think your future was as set as you once thought, nor do I see it to be as cloudy as you now envision. There is a great journey ahead of you…and, no matter what, great sacrifice.” Theo doesn’t quite know how to respond to that. The fortune teller smiles cryptically at the lost look on his face. She flips over another card, and her smile becomes more genuine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re looking for Borya,” she says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s a Borya?” Theo asks. The fortune teller looks up from her cards and into his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is your name Theo?” Theo shifts, nervously, and tries to figure out if he could overpower this woman if necessary. Probably not. Her nails look very sharp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” The fortune teller smiles, brilliantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Interesting!” She says. “You and I have a mutual acquaintance, Theo. You may want to go down the path to your right when you leave.” Theo blinks, dumbly. “It was nice to meet you, Theo,” she says, and it sounds like a dismissal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You too,” he says. “Thank you. Hey, what’s your name?” The fortune teller smiles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s very sweet of you to ask,” she says. “My name is Kotku. Say hello to Borya for me.” When Theo steps out of the tent, he feels oddly at ease. He turns down the path to his right. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just a short walk away, Theo comes upon a group watching a performance. He can’t tell what it is at first, all he sees are flashes of a silver hoop and what looks like the tail of a grey kitten. Theo squeezes through the crowd until he can see everything. On the small platform in front of him, a pair of teenagers are putting on an act with kittens. One of the teenagers is a girl, with deep red hair and a perfect smile. The other is the boy. The strange boy Theo met all those years ago; the boy he still dreams about. He’s older, but he looks just the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes meet Theo. He smiles widely, like him and Theo are old friends. Which, in some way, they are, he supposes. The act continues for another few minutes. Their kittens are very talented: they jump through hoops, turn in somersaults, even meow on cue. When the act is over, the girl and boy (and kittens) take a bow, and the audience applauds loudly. Theo is wondering what he should say and how best to approach the boy, but as the audience disperces, he looks around to find that the teenagers, kittens, and props have completely disappeared. His heart sinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone taps on his shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Potter!” Theo whirls around, and there he is. He looks slightly different than he did when performing, now clad in a beanie and a jean jacket, but it’s still undeniably him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” Theo says dumbly. “I don’t know your name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure you do!” The boy says brightly. “I’m Boris. Some people call me Borya.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Borya,” Theo repeats. “The fortune teller told me that, but I didn’t realize it was a name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You met Kotku?” Boris asks excitedly. “Isn’t she fabulous?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Theo says, feeling suddenly, stupidly jealous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did she tell you anything good about your future?” Boris prompts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure,” Theo admits. “She told me a whole lot of stuff I didn’t understand.” Boris laughs as if he has just said something very funny. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She does that, doesn’t she, Pip?” He turns to a girl standing next to him, who Theo hadn’t recognized as Boris’ performance partner. Offstage, she has her hair tucked into a hat, which does wonders in obscuring her identity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All the time,” she says. Her voice is soft and dainty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Theo, this is Pippa, she is like sister to me. Pippa, this is Theo. He is…old friend.” Pippa makes an indecipherable face at Boris, then turns to Theo with a welcoming smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” she says. “We were off for a walk. Would you like to join us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please do,” Boris says. “We hardly ever have company.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, I’d like that,” Theo says, well aware that he’d follow Boris into a volcano right now if he was asked to. “You don’t have more performances tonight?” Boris shrugs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We do them when we feel like it,” he says. “We don’t have a tent, cause we don’t really need one. They say we add to the ambience.” He shrugs. “But that means we can fuck off whenever we’d like. Should we get something to eat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Pippa responds immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was asking Theo,” Boris says, sticking his tongue out at Pippa. “Potter, something to eat?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Theo replies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You get some of those cinnamon things, and we’ll get the hot chocolate,” Boris says to Pippa. “Meet you at the ice garden?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perfect,” Pippa says. She flounces away, leaving Theo and Boris alone. Boris slings his arm around Theo and pulls him in line at one of the nearby carts. He flashes three fingers at the vendor, who nods in response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you know my name?” Theo asks, finally voicing the question that’s been on his mind for years. Boris laughs, sounding somewhat sheepish. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t laugh,” he says. “Sometimes I see things in the stars. I see little bits of what’s going to happen, or what could happen. Fragments, really. I don’t see details well, but I saw you coming long before you ever came to the circus. And I saw that your name would be Theo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Theo says. In the magical magnitude of the circus, Boris’ confession is unexpected but not beyond belief. “That sounds kind of cool.” Boris shrugs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is fine,” he says. “Pippa hears music when she meets people. Maybe she will play you your song on piano one day. Much cooler, if you ask me.” When they reach the front of the line, the vendor already has three cups ready for them. Boris takes two with a smile, while Theo grabs the remaining third. No money exchanges hands; Theo assumes this is one of the perks of belonging to the circus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their first stop is the ice garden, where they reunite with Pippa. Theo wasn’t quite sure what they meant by “ice” garden, but he realizes as soon as they walk into the tent. That morning, the temperature in the desert had almost reached 100 degrees. In the tent, snow covers the ground and the branches of the leafless trees. It’s clearly a popular tent here; there are dozens of kids having a snowball fight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>From there, Pippa and Boris take Theo to the Carousel, in which they ride through an indescribable loop on the back of a bear so realistic Theo could swear it was breathing. Then they take him to the Cloud Maze, a staggeringly high assortment of nets and platforms suspended in air. They climb up as far as they can, and when they’re done, they plummet back down to Earth, landing in a pit of white fluff as soft as a cloud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is impossible,” Theo says, wondrously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing is impossible!” Boris responds. When they climb out of the ball pit, Pippa is waiting for them on the edge, checking her watch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Borya,” she says, “we ought to get the kittens ready. We really should do another show tonight, and we only have an hour or so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We do?” Theo gasps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go set up without me,” Boris instructs. “I want to take Theo to the Pool.” Theo wonders if Boris really expects him to go swimming right now. Pippa gets a sad look on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” she agrees. “You’ll come back tomorrow, won’t you, Theo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course,” he says, stunned these two ephemeral beings like his company enough to want to spend more time with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Pippa says. “See you then.” She kisses his cheek, and disappears. Boris frowns, then tugs Theo after him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come, Potter,” he says. “You will like this. Sort of.” He navigates expertly through the circus until they come upon a tent called The Pool of Tears. There is a bowl of rocks on a high table just outside the door. “Take one,” Boris commands, slipping one of the rocks into his own hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wha--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll see.” Theo follows Boris inside. This is the first tent they’ve been in where there is no one else. It’s also the smallest tent he’s been in so far. In the middle, seemingly sunk into the ground, is a grey pool of saltwater filled with stone. Boris pulls Theo to sit on the ground beside him. Theo copies the way Boris holds his rock cupped in both hands. “Think of something that makes you sad,” Boris instructs. Theo wants to argue, but the thoughts come into his mind, quickly and unbidden. What doesn’t make him sad, out in the real world beyond the circus gates? His mother is dead; his father is an asshole. When he thinks of the future, all he sees is a giant question mark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Boris’ voice cuts into his internal monologue. “Now drop in pool.” He does it himself, with his rock, as if to demonstrate. Theo does the same. Almost instantly, he feels lighter. Not better, more like before he was carrying a heavy weight by himself, and now someone or something is helping him bear the load.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is good, yes?” Boris asks rhetorically. “I come here a lot. My mother died when I was young, my father was an abusive alcoholic, I’ve been raised by circus freaks. But I come here, and I feel better. I thought maybe you could use the same.” Theo is stunned. Of all of the magical things he’s experienced tonight, Boris’ empathy is the one that hits him hardest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” he says, when he gets his voice back. Boris walks him back to the front gates, then pulls something small, flat, and silver out of his pocket. “What’s this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is a special pass,” Boris explains. “For important guests, so you don’t have to pay every time you come to the circus. Just show it at the front gate and they will let you in.” Theo stares at it, wide-eyed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” he whispers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t mention it,” Boris says. “Just come back tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Theo comes back the next night, then the next, and for a week after that; he uses his special pass each time. Every night, he watches Boris and Pippa perform their kitten act at least once. Beyond that, their itinerary is ever changing. Boris and Pippa show Theo all of the coolest and least known spots of the circus; from the acrobats tent to the menagerie to the wishing tree. Theo follows them around like a moth drawn to twin flames; like an asteroid being pulled by the gravity of the two brightest celestial bodies in the sky. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>During the day, his “real life” at home with his father gets steadily worse. During the night, he falls more and more in love with the circus, and with the people in it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Boris, Theo learns, is an incredible story teller. He tells Theo stories about all the places he’s seen traveling with the circus. In turn, he seems fascinated with the mundanity of Theo’s life: his school, his parents, his dog. Theo feels almost uncomfortably comfortable with the boy; it’s like he’s known him his whole life. The best part about their relationship is that they make eachother laugh, so hard that Theo’s stomach hurts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One day, when Theo shows up, Boris hands him a red tie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s this?” Theo asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some people, people who really love the circus, they call themselves </span>
  <em>
    <span>reveurs</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Boris explains. “They wear little touches of red, to signal to us and to each other. Your mother, I think, was one. I thought you might want to be one too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Theo says, touched by Boris’ gesture. He has never quite felt he belonged to a community before, and now Boris has handed him one of a silver plate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on,” Pippa says, “I want to show Theo the Aviary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When do you guys have to leave?” Theo asks one day, trying to count the days until he graduates high school.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We never know, we just go where the circus tells us,” Boris says. “But a few more days, at least. Let’s not speak of this! Have I introduced you to the contortionist yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That night at the front gate, Pippa kisses his cheek and Boris gives him a rough hug, just as usual. “See you tomorrow,” they say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next morning, when Theo wakes up, the circus is gone. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Theo’s father dies. He moves back to the city he grew up in. He enrolls in a college. He takes Conversational Russian his first year, and thinks of Boris. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he thinks of Boris, he seems unreal, like a dream. Sometimes, he pulls the umbrella out of his closet and holds it for hours. Sometimes he goes out and hooks up with boys with pale skin and long dark hair, but he never stays the night. Most of the time, he tries to put the circus and the boy who lives in it out of his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He decides to major in Art History. He’s always liked art.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Walking through campus one day, Theo hears another student talking about a magical circus. “It just appeared out of nowhere!” The kid is saying. “It’s fucking huge, man, I have no clue how they set it up so quick.” Theo turns, blindly, and grabs the kid by the shoulders without thinking. The kid shouts in alarm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is it?” Theo demands. “Where’s the fucking circus?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-central park,” the kid replies. Theo runs for it; the world around him is a blur. When it snaps back into place, Theo finds himself at the gates of the night circus. </span>
  <em>
    <span>doors open at nightfall &amp; close at dawn, </span>
  </em>
  <span>the sign reads, </span>
  <em>
    <span>trespassers will be exsanguinated. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Theo laughs, loud and wild. He knows he sounds crazy. He doesn’t care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sunset doesn’t come soon enough, but it comes. The woman at the front gate looks impressed when he flashes her his special pass. Theo doesn’t give a shit. He runs, feeling a bit like a madman, not knowing where he’s going but wishing he could get there soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Theo!” A voice shouts. Theo turns and there’s Pippa, hair longer than ever, flying at him. He catches her in a hug. She’s so light he can lift her and spin her around. “You’re so tall now! It’s so good to see you,” Pippa says. “We missed you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We?” Theo tries not to sound desperate and fails. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello there, Potter.” Boris. Theo turns away from Pippa, towards Boris’ voice. “Fuck, you’re taller than me now,” Boris complains.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up,” Theo retorts, pulling Boris into a hug. Boris hugs him back, just a little too tight. Then he pushes him away, roughly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s not loiter too long,” Boris says, loudly. “There are many new tents for you to see now, Theo, and I have many new stories.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next few nights pass in a blur of black and white and Pippa and Boris and laughter and magic. Theo doesn’t think he’s ever been so happy in his life. Of course, as soon as he thinks that, everything goes to shit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Boris looks wrong, somehow, standing outside of Theo’s dormitory. The daylight is too bright, the grey of the building and the sky too mundane and dull. Boris glares at everyone as they walk past. He looks like he’s from another century, or another dimension. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Boris,” Theo says, once he recovers from the shock of seeing him out in the real world. “What are you doing here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to talk to you about something,” Boris says. “Ask you something, I mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it couldn’t wait until tonight?” Boris shakes his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought it would be better to give you time to think about it,” Boris says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think about what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think about coming with us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Theo asks. He thinks it’s a pretty brilliant question, considering the circumstances. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve managed to get word that tonight is our last night here,” Boris says, looking sincere in a way Theo has never seen him be before. “And I want you to come with us when we leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m only ten credits away from completing my major,” Theo says without thinking, feeling like an idiot. Boris winces a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” he says. “Right. This is why I say to myself, ‘Borya, go talk to Theo right now. This is big decision, he needs time to think.’ I know I am asking you to give up your whole life, any chance of a normal life. But I cannot continue like this with you, Theo, one foot in and one foot out. I cannot bear to go years without seeing you only to find that you have changed so much away from me. I cannot go on not knowing when I will see you next, with no control. Doesn’t it drive you mad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course it does,” Theo replies, voice shaking. “But I couldn’t come with you. I’m not like you; I’m not special the way you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Boris insists, eyes shiny with unshed tears. “Yes, Potter, yes you are.” Theo stares into the face of the boy he loves. He thinks about how quickly Boris and Pippa will tire of his company; how he’ll be a boring, grey nobody in a black and white circus of extraordinary people. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long do I have to think about it?” Theo asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re leaving when the circus closes tonight,” Boris says. “The train will be ready before dawn, though it would be better if you could come sooner. Leaving can get…complicated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll think about it,” Theo says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Boris says. “Do me one favor, though? If you’re not going to come with us, could you just not come to the circus at all tonight? Let this be goodbye? I think it would be easier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Theo stares at him blankly for a moment. Then he nods, because it seems like the right thing to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” he says. “I won’t come unless I’m going with you. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Theo,” Boris says, with a sad sort of smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Theo says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And before he can tell Boris to tell Pippa goodbye for him if need be, Boris grabs his face in both hands and kisses him, hard, on the mouth. Boris turns without a word and disappears into the steady stream of traffic and pedestrians. Theo stays there, frozen, for a long time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Theo goes to his last class of the day. He eats dinner in the dining hall. He retires to his dorm early and takes a nap. Then he pulls out a worn backpack and fills it with everything he thinks could be important. He puts Poppet on a leash, and hopes the circus accepts comfort animals. He writes Xandra a quick letter, which he leaves on his desk, hoping the college will know how to get it to her. Then he leaves, locking the door behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A boy, his dog, and all of his important worldly possessions don’t make a particularly strange sight in a city like this. Theo makes it across town without receiving much attention at all. With each step he takes, it becomes clearer that he is truly leaving. There is nothing to stop him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He realises, as he crosses the street and walks into the park, that he’s later than he wanted to be, though dawn is some time away. He realizes a moment later, with much greater panic, that the circus is gone. It’s like nothing ever occupied Central Park except grass and rocks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck!” Theo howls at the sky. “Fuck!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Theo walks in circles around the park for a little bit until he’s well and truly convinced that the circus is really gone. Then he sinks down onto the ground and has a little cry. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Then</span>
  </em>
  <span> he remembers that Boris said something about a train.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows it’s a long shot, but he hikes his bag back onto his shoulders, scoops Poppet up into his arms, and books it to Grand Central Station. He bursts through the doors, then grinds to a halt, staring at the swarm of people around him, the arrival/departure board with dozens of trains listed on it. No one knows where the circus is going next, not even Boris, and certainly not him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Theo finds himself starting to cry again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You alright, kiddo?” A deep, reassuring voice asks him. Theo looks up and sees a tall, dark skinned man. The man has his arm around a slightly older gentleman. Both are wearing red scarves. In the man’s hand is a black and white striped cup. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you here for the circus?” Theo asks, voice croaky and wavering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We sure are, young man,” the man replies. “My name is Hobie, this here is Welty.” The older man nods his head in greeting. “It closed early tonight, which gives us more time to track it down, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Track it down?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hobart and I spend a few months every year chasing the circus,” Welty explains. “It’s unpredictable, but us</span>
  <em>
    <span> reveurs</span>
  </em>
  <span> have our methods. We’re heading to Boston to reunite with some friends, where we’ll wait for word of where the circus has gotten to next.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome to come with us,” Hobie says, calmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I wouldn’t want to intrude,” Theo stampers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry,” Hobie says. “Anything for a fellow lover of the circus.” Theo, as if in a dream, follows behind Hobie and Welty, as they board the train to Boston; once they’ve arrived, he follows them through the streets of Boston until they come upon a grand house, painted in black and white. Theo knows this isn’t exactly what his mom intended him to do with the money she left him, but he can’t help but feel she’d probably approve. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the house, Theo is greeted by what seems like dozens of </span>
  <em>
    <span>reveurs</span>
  </em>
  <span> like an old friend; though they all seem more excited by Poppet than by him. Francis, who owns the house, shows Theo to a guest bed, where he sleeps fitfully for a few hours. Hobie wakes him up when it's time for dinner. Theo sits between Francis’ husband Richard and Welty at the long, elegant dining table. He eats a lot, but tastes little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fifteen minutes into dessert, a </span>
  <em>
    <span>reveur</span>
  </em>
  <span> named Camilla, who was introduced to Theo hours ago as “the lady of the house” leaves the room at the sound of a doorbell, and returns holding a black and white card.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good news, my friends: we are headed to Amsterdam.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boat ride is slow, far too slow for Theo’s liking. He fidgets endlessly, and takes Poppet for long walks on the outer deck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What troubles you so, young man?” Hobie asks. Theo sighs, unsure how to explain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever seen the show with the little kittens?” He asks. “With the redheaded girl and the dark haired boy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Hobie says, easily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m in love with him,” Theo explains, the words sounding so simple as he speaks them. “And I’m just hoping I haven’t fucked up my chances with him.” Hobie whistles, low and long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be there soon,” he says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they get to Amsterdam, they are greeted by Camilla’s brother, Charles, who ferries them all into taxies and ensures they all arrive at the same hotel. They mingle together, in the lobby, as Welty counts heads to make sure he’s reserved enough rooms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Theo,” Welty asks, “shall I get you your own room or do you want to stay with Hobie and me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, but I’m not staying,” Theo says, abscently, hoping that it’s true. “Where’s Charles gone?” He pushes his way through the small group until he gets to Charles, who’s talking to Richard with an easy smile on his face. “Pardon me,” Theo says, interrupting, heart pounding in his ears. “Do you know where the circus is, exactly?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Charles says. “Just down the canal there, only a mile or so, in the park. We’ll head down there soon enough--” Theo doesn’t wait to hear the rest. He picks up Poppet again and races out of the door. He’ll thank Hobie and Welty and Francis for all of their kindness, one day, but now he’s a man on a mission. He sees the tops of the circus tents, and accelerates. His legs burn, but the thought only registers somewhere unimportant in the back of his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, Theo finds himself at the foot of the gates of the circus. He prompts Poppet to hop through a gap in the gate, then ties the leash around one bar. He himself is far too big to fit through the gap now. No matter. He has come this far, and he is not giving up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only a few steps away, there is a tall oak tree with a branch extending over the gates and into the circus. Theo climbs it, easily. Once he’s up high enough, he throws his backpack down into the circus. Poppet barks at it. Theo takes a deep breath, and drops down next to it. He lands too hard on his right ankle, and gives himself to the count of five to feel the pain. Then he pushes himself up onto his feet, and grabs first his backpack, then Poppet’s leash. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Boris!” He bellows. “Boris!” He marches, resolutely, through the dormant black and white tents, resolving not to stop until he sees Boris or is kicked out entirely. “BORIS!” Poppet barks. As he walks, Theo is aware that members of the circus, clad in amusingly regular pajamas, have come seemingly out of nowhere, and are gawking at him. He hopes they enjoy being in the audience for a change. “BORIS!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Potter?” And there he is, somehow looking even more disheveled than the last time Theo saw him. Pippa stands behind him, a kitten cradled in her arms. “Are you really here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Theo says. The fight drains out of him, and all he can do is stare at Boris and try to convince himself that everything is going to be okay. “Sorry I’m late.” Boris crosses the space between them in three big steps, and pulls Theo into the tightest, warmest hug of his life. Theo drops Poppet’s leash and hugs Boris back, trying to convey years of love and longing through touch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are here to stay?” Boris asks, sounding so unsure and so young. Theo pulls back to put his hand on Boris’ cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As long as you’ll have me,” he replies. Boris pulls him into a kiss. Around him, various members of the circus start to clap. Pippa cheers. Boris pulls away first, and turns to the assembled crowd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, pack it up,” he says. “Nothing to see here. You will all meet Theo later, okay?” Without waiting for a response, he turns back to Theo. “Come back to our rooms and get some sleep,” he says. “We will talk more tonight. And very soon, we figure out an act for you! Maybe something with your very cute dog and our kittens…” He continues to ramble as he leads Theo through the circus, towards his mysterious lodgings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Theo clings tightly to his hand and resolves never to let go.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Find me on tumblr at <a href="https://sunshine394.tumblr.com/">https://sunshine394.tumblr.com/</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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